Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
