Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
