Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
