If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dicks are not precious.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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