I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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