I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
