Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
