I must be too annoying 4 u.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Randomize