I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Randomize
