i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
