I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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