Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
