all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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