Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
