Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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