just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
