I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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