Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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