Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
