I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
