I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
