OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
now i know why i became what i already was.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
