I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
