You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
