im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
