just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
