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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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