i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I could fuck to npr.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
