The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
