cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
