: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize