Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
