Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
