He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
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... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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