i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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