I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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