You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
