if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
