i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
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