Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
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How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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