Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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