You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
