Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
