Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
