so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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