He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
