I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
