My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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