She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
