Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
