the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
