Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
