I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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