My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
they're like a gay fantastic four
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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