apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I cut my penus on the lid.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
