i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
