I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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