You really coming over, don't trick.
i was born a porn star she said
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
