We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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