all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
