His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I got inside last night via doggy door
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
