oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
