he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
