I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
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