I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
