He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
