You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
