You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
