He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
