Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
