just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
