I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
