I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So vagazzling was a success
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
