hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
