he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
