It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
