Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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