I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
