Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
