So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
