You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
