He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
