i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
