All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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