you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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