I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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