I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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